4. Be Realistic
A person with BPD does not have the same understanding about emotions, and he lacks coping mechanisms to manage them efficiently. You need to have a realistic understanding of your partner’s behavior and your role in his life as “caretaker.”
Also, you also need to keep in mind that your partner may never learn to meet your emotional needs. You cannot “heal” your loved one. Your loved one has to be committed to healing himself with the help of therapy.
Also, you need to know that the dysfunction BPD creates in a person’s life cripples their emotional capability and understanding, so it’s likely that you will not be able to have an emotionally mature relationship.
5. Use Compliments
People with BPD are not accustomed to receiving compliments. To establish trust and influence in your partner’s life, complimenting your partner for even little things they do that are noteworthy may surprise you and go a long way.
You can also use compliments to reward good behavior, such as “I know you were stressed out yesterday, but you handled it really well,” or “I noticed the way you have stopped yelling at me.”
However, note that you need to assess what mood your partner is in. Stating the compliment at the wrong time could solicit an extreme reaction. Then deliver the compliment.
You may never get a response verbally or an expression of gratitude, or even an insult in response. However, it could work for some people with BPD, especially if they seek compliments. Try as long as you are willing. Since a person with BPD has low self-esteem, you could be doing some good.