While a non-disordered person considers how their words and actions affect other people, narcissists do not. Because of this, many of their behaviors are spur of the moment. There are some very deliberate actions they engage in, such as hiding evidence of an extramarital affair or forging another person’s name on a loan application, but they think it’s all warranted because by that point, the person they entered into a relationship with stopped seeing their greatness or began requiring too much damage control.
Many narcissists, at some point or other, do become aware of the effect their behaviors have on other people, but they are completely indifferent to it. One way to comprehend how the narcissist feels about their deceptive and manipulative behaviors against others is to compare it to a person’s penchant for steak or pork chops. Most people are aware that cows and pigs are sentient beings, yet generally don’t reflect on what the animals go through before they appear as a tidy meal on the dinner table. If a vegetarian were to point out to a meat-eater how horribly these animals suffer, the meat-eater would shrug their shoulders because they like steak and don’t plan to stop eating steak. This is precisely how narcissists feel about abusing the people closest to them.
The difference is that we generally don’t see what happens to animals that are processed for consumption unless we search for it. Narcissists see the results of their manipulation and abuse every day and still remain completely indifferent. By the time the love-bombing phase is over and you are being devalued, you’ve become their opponent and so any pain or distress you experience is your own fault.