These are the men who are truly attractive and desirable – even if your early childhood programming (through no fault of your own) made you feel more drawn to danger on a subconscious and biochemical level. So begin to take notice of these men who provide an alternative narrative – one of empathy and compassion. Even if these role models are public figures rather than anyone you personally know, start to think about the kinder, gentler and protective males you have met, encountered or heard about in your life’s journey.
Branch out – they could be your neighbors, your classmates, a teacher who influenced you, a local community leader, an author, a social activist, an old boyfriend or a male friend…the possibilities are endless.
Think about the men in your life who have worked hard to evolve and have emotionally comforted and validated you in the past. If you have a validating male therapist, you may want to also consider him as a role model for what positive ‘masculinity’ represents.
By recognizing and identifying healthier models, you can also pinpoint the qualities, characteristics and behaviors of what an empathic, compassionate mate or friend would look like for the future.
While daughters of narcissistic fathers can have a history of complex trauma and trauma repetition, the cycle can and will be broken. The strong will and resilience of survivors can serve them well when it comes to utilizing the necessary healing modalities, resources and self-compassion it takes to heal themselves and future generations.