Triangulation can be defined as an indirect form of communication where one person (usually the narcissist) acts as a messenger between two other people. Or it can be a direct form of communication where one person attempts to draw in an accomplice to gang up against a third party to further their agenda. In both cases, the messenger (usually the narcissist, but not always) will fabricate or alter a message, often incorporating a sliver of the truth, to advance his/her objective. There are as many different reasons why a narcissist might use triangulation as there are narcissists, but here are the 4 most common methods and motives.
1. KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE
To obtain control, attention or adulation, narcissists will often inform their partner about how a third-party such as; a mutual friend or co-worker, etc…, who has been flirtatious with them. This third-party person is brought into the relationship to kill two birds with one stone! First, it stirs up feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partner and subtlety warns the partner that they’re replaceable. Instinctively the partner tries harder to please the narcissist as to not be replaced. Second, it creates an illusion of desirability and encourages rivalry, both of which, fill the narcissist with narcissistic supply- adulation and control. So not only does the narcissist get his/her dose of supply, he/she also increases the amount of power he/she has over their partner.