Why you’re fooled to begin with
Not everyone is equally vulnerable to a narcissist; securely attached people are much likely to figure out what the narcissist is up to because of their own internal models of how healthy relationships and people work. They’re likely to notice both the self-absorption and emotional distancing and the mood shifts. It’s the insecurely attached woman, especially one with an anxious/preoccupied style of attachment and low self-esteem, who’s particularly vulnerable to the narcissist’s initial charm, on the one hand, and more likely to forgive how and when he flies off the handle, on the other.
As I’ve written before, she’s more likely to mistake either his braggadocio or quiet superiority for grounded confidence, his overt or covert control as strength, his armored lack of empathy for stability, and—here’s the important part—be relatively quick to ignore how reactive he is because she is too, if for different reasons, and she may well misread his volatility for passion and involvement.
That said, once you’ve honed in on his moods and anger, all will be clear.
4 behaviors that reveal the narcissist
These are all defenses against having his vulnerability be revealed and efforts to maintain that sense of superiority that the narcissist needs to thrive.