Why Do Narcissists Abuse Those They Love?

Abuse Pattern

After spending an enormous amount of time, energy, and sometimes money trying to convince you of their devotion, your pursuer immediately loses interest in you once you stop running. You are left feeling disappointed and bewildered that this person who said he wanted you so much has now “ghosted” you, and will not even answer your texts.

Predictors of Abuse

  • The over-the-top nature of their chase is a signal that they are unrealistic.

Unlike most people, who want to gradually get to know a person before they make commitments about the future, narcissists may try to engage you in planning your future together after your first date. They may start talking about all the places that they want to take you on vacation, or even how many children the two of you could have together and where they should go to school.

  • They worship the ground that you walk on.

This may sound like a good sign, but it’s not: What goes up, must come down. This degree of idealization is actually a sign that they are not seeing the real you at all. Instead, they are simply projecting a fantasy onto you. The real you is not perfect and is certainly unlikely to fit every item on their wish list. Once they discover that you are not exactly like their fantasy, they may be resentful and disappointed. If you are lucky, they will simply disappear from your life at this point.

  • All their former lovers ended up disappointing them.

However they describe their former lovers and mates is how they are likely to eventually describe you. If they are perpetually disappointed in people, it says more about them than about those people. If you ask why their previous relationships did not work out, and they tell you that they found out their lovers were very different than they first seemed, this is a sign that you too will be described that way one day.

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