Our Unhealed Wounds With Narcissists
How the narcissist shows up
When the narcissist comes into your life he / she has worked out what turns you on. He / she has sensed what your wound is and then appears to be the saviour of that wound.
For example if “fear of abandonment” is big for you, the narcissist will make out he/she is loyal beyond measure, totally committed and would never leave you or betray you.
How the devaluation happens
The narcissist inevitably will need to punish you when you have not appeased the False Self enough, and / or the narcissist fears that you may be getting the upper hand, or your own autonomy. Your major emotional wound(s) will be a target.
So for example the narcissist may, at a time when you feel all snug and secure, pull the carpet out from under you and “dump” you without warning. You will be triggered into your young abandonment wound, and react with panic, and rather than pull away you will attach your energy to the narcissist even more.
Why you are hooked and the results of being hooked
When we have hit the point of our soul co-creating with Life our own evolution, Life is very insistent about trying to make the unconscious conscious.
If we are wounded and we are receiving someone attacking our wounds and we don’t come inside ourselves to heal these wounds – this person (or other people) will keep attacking our wounds.
This usually compounds with people used for abuse by proxy (I really dislike the expression “flying monkeys”), legal personnel, court systems etc.
The longer we stay unconscious the more we hang on, can’t let go, and the more our activated wounds get compounded with no relief or healing.
We try to force the person who has activated our wound to heal our wounding for us, because we have unconsciously assigned them as the original role model who hurt us in the first place – and we want to right the wrongs of our history through this person.
But this never works, so we may start up secondary addictions and obsessions such as Abuse Forum venting, drinking, drugs, sex, shopping etc to try to escape the pain of the addition to making the narcissist responsible for the healing of our original wounds.
We disintegrate further rather than use the experience to integrate.