The Codependent’s Defence Mechanism
(Chances are that’s you if you’re reading this article.)
Codependents are usually at the receiving end of the stick, walking around the eggshells of the narcissist’s defences. But the truth is, the eggshells you walk around are also the emotions YOU are afraid to feel. When your narcissist partner flips out on you, makes you feel flawed and deserts you… how do YOU feel? Abandoned? Heartbroken? Love-starved? Afraid? Lost? Not good enough? Do you try anything to get them to turn around and love you again? Do you just want the perfect honeymoon phase to come back and swear you’ll walk around his/her eggshells better next time? See, that’s also the behaviour and thought pattern of someone who would rather close the lid on pain and sacrifice depth and realness in the name of a superficial fairytale.
Narcissists are the ones who set the rules and pace of the game (manipulator), while codependents try to keep up with the game (manipulated). But the fact remains that both are playing a game that revolves around avoiding core issues that need resolving in both parties.
Whenever the honeymoon phase is restored and your narcissist partner morphs back into the same charming Romeo/Juliet you originally fell in love with, it might look and feel good for a while… but it doesn’t mean you won’t smell what’s rotting in the backyard. The issues are still there, you’re just not picking up the trash.