Narcissist & Codependent – The Mutual Core Issue
If this constant pattern of apologizing and changing yourself to keep the peace and get his or her love back sounds like you, then you have similar (if not the same) abandonment issues he or she has. The only difference is that he or she may be resisting going deeper altogether, while you desire it. Your walls of protection are a little thinner. You are on the fence. You want to heal your wounds, but you mistakenly believe your healing depends on your narcissist partner not abandoning you.
The truth is: they have abandoned themselves. This is where you both do the same thing in different ways. You both have abandoned yourselves, denied yourself of self-love, and put all faith in being saved by others.
The sad truth is that believing someone else can save you tends to recreate the same experience of abandonment by attracting the same kind of relationships over and over again… which might actually get you to adopt narcissistic defences yourself due to the heartbreak it keeps causing!
Both narcissists and codependents believe their healing depends on each other’s love, not realizing that the only “love” they both continue to chase is a superficial buffer for the pain of abandonment they’re both afraid to feel. As the saying goes, you can’t heal what you don’t allow yourself to feel.