9. Seeing the Light
After a long period, the victim begins to see the self-serving nature and selfish behavior of the abuser. Often, there is infidelity and any questioning about it results in the victim being blamed for being crazy and jealous. The unfair nature of the relationship is very apparent to the victim although, to the outside world, it appears to be practically perfect. They see the absolute control of the abuser as agreement of the two parties or as "compatibility". They are unaware that this "compatibility" requires that the victim SUBMIT their will to the abuser in EVERYTHING. This begins to wear on the victim. The victim may begin to see the TRUE PATHOLOGY of the abuser, but there is no one who will listen or believe. As the victim begins to see this pathology, there is also a great deal of fear around leaving the relationship as the victim now has an idea of what awaits them in terms of punishment or retribution.
10. Sensing the trap
Around this time, the victim may begin reaching out to members of the support system...only to find that they are squarely in the camp of the abuser. While the victim has been silent, the abuser has been busy assassinating their character to the support system who, often, no longer believe a word the victim is saying. They are often condescending and attempt to keep the victim in the relationship which they see as "superior" and with the abuser who is seen as being "so supportive and loving" The victim suddenly realizes that they are seen as unstable and/or, completely self-centered by their own support system. There is a sudden realization that there is no one to turn to because, no matter what the victim says NOW, the support system is convinced of the lie that has been told for so long, both by the victim and by the abuser. The victim will sometimes attempt to communicate the issues to the abuser who will not discuss anything about it and usually admits no error or wrongdoing. Ending the relationship not only leaves the victim without the relationship but may cost the victim friends and family as well. The victim is trapped and knows it.