This is the person you can no longer pretend is simply misguided, or unaware of their behaviour. This is the person you are trying to excuse but can do no longer.
In contrast, the person they become in public is the one you are holding out they can become consistently, eradicating the monster who abuses you.
This is the one who keeps you feeling hopeful because they show you they can be good right? This is the one you fell for when you were being idealised and worshipped at the very beginning. Charming, witty, generous, attentive, kind, full of smiles and laughter – rainbows, lollypops, and unicorns are everywhere when this person is around.
Well, this person is still the one of the ‘secret face’ who abuses you for kicks. They’ve just popped on their mask. They do this because it is the perfect cover for what really lies underneath. This way, your truth is harder to believe if you dare share their secret.
Exhibits A & B unequivocally demonstrate the narc knows that they are abusing you, and that they are aware that by normal standards of behaviour, this is unacceptable. Hence the duplicitousness of hiding their own behaviour from outsiders.
They know what they are doing is wrong. They know is it causing you harm. Yet, they are choosing to do it anyway. In addition to ensuring they can continue to do so into the foreseeable future by establishing conditions that protect the truth from being surfaced and being caught out.