2. Bringing up your past wrongdoings & ignoring their own
If you point out something the narcissist is doing—like ignoring you, not listening to what you say, being distant, or issues with their ex—rather than discussing the issues you ask them to resolve, they’ll mention something from the past that you’ve done wrong. Did you once upon a time do something wrong? Well then, what they’re doing isn’t really all that bad compared to what you did years ago. Did you do XXX two years ago? Well then, you can’t complain about what they’re doing now. And God forbid you bring up any of their wrongdoings. Then, you are an abusive lunatic with a list of grievances that have no basis.In this way, the problem you bring up, however simple, never gets solved.
3. Condescending & patronizing tone
The entire conversation will have the basis that you’re obviously unreasonable, obsessed, or crazy, and they are entirely reasonable and a victim. It’s almost like they are examining you, because you realize that they aren’t listening, just waiting you out. When you finally react emotionally, that’s when the narcissist will tell you to calm down, and tell you their feelings are hurt or you are abusive. The whole point of this behavior is to depict you as unhinged, and therefore give them the upper hand. Because remember, conversations are competitions to be won, not problems to be resolved.