9. “What in the world just happened?”
These conversations leave you drained. You may be left with an actual headache, but definitely a sense of total frustration. You will spend hours, even days, thinking over the argument you’ve just had. You’ll feel as if you exhausted all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing. Even if you have well thought out arguments in your head, you can never respond to all the deflections, accusations, personal attacks, and asides that make your points get lost and become irrelevant, so you try again and again to bring the conversation back on track. You will feel the need to defend yourself and much of the time is spent in this way. You can tell the narcissist isn’t really listening, they just want you to shut up so they can go back to doing the same thing and ignoring what you said. You’ll try to come up with a diplomatic solution, and you admit that you have been wrong at times.
But in the end, you’ll find that you’re the only one truly apologizing. One day you realize you are the only one trying to save this marriage or relationship, and that’s the saddest day of your life. You sink into despair. It’s hopeless without the narcissist truly wanting to repair and renew your relationship. You become resigned to a divorce happening, sooner or later. Perhaps now, or perhaps you will go on for years in a loveless relationship…empty inside. Your spiritual life is dead.
So, altogether, these 9 things will be enough to prevent any problem from being resolved because the narcissist doesn’t intend to resolve anything. They just want to get out of the present discussion and then, they avoid thinking about the problem, and avoid you. They don’t even like you anymore, much less love you, but never the less they will blame you for the divorce despite the fact that you tried over and over to save it, with no cooperation from them.
And, you you feel lost and empty…and you find yourself asking again and again…..WHY? For God’s sake, WHY? With a narcissist, there is no closure, and no possible answer to that problem….there is only the knowledge that you did the right thing, that it wasn’t your fault, and that one day you will meet someone who will appreciate those good qualities.