Used what he knew would hurt me as ammo, stonewalling me and threatening divorce during every argument.
“The sneakiest way he manipulated me was with extreme psychological warfare, gaining my trust and then exploiting it. In the beginning, anytime we’d get in an argument, he would quickly just threaten to divorce me, even while I was pregnant. I read so many marriage books that said never to utter those words during an argument. It shocked me how easily he said it. I believed that all couples had problems, so I believed we had to work it out and never take it to that level. I told him he should never use the term “divorce” in a fight. I told him it really bothered me, and I even wrote it on a piece of paper and made him sign it, saying no matter how upset we were, we’d never threaten the other with divorce. He signed it and said how sorry he was, and how much he loved me and could never stand to lose me.
After he found out how deeply it affected and hurt me when he said it, he used it to torture me. It was like his ammo. He’d say it repeatedly in almost every argument, even though he signed that paper. He was lying so much and never there for me, yet made me feel crazy and horrible if I ever brought anything up. Then, we’d argue and he’d say, “You just want to fight don’t you?!” If I cried or got mad, he’d again threaten divorce, then he’d say “I don’t know why you’re getting upset, you’ll never do anything about it anyway!” referring to the pact we made. It was taunting to an extreme level, it made me feel so worthless.
But he never filed for divorce. When I finally had enough and found the strength to file for divorce myself, I ignited a narcissistic rage I never could have possibly imagined. Every single thing that I’d ever shared with him became his twisted warfare against me. Every single person I’d ever had a falling out with became his new best friend. Every person and thing that was near and dear to my heart he tried to take away to destroy me, all while portraying himself as the victim. Every single time I tried to stand up for myself he’d come back 10 times harder to abolish the truth.” —Hope