6. Our actions feel 100% rational — in the moment.
I think a lot of people tend to underestimate the level of self-awareness people with bipolar disorder have about their illness. Believe you me, we are fully aware that our mind is a rampant shit show. That said, rational self-awareness regarding our sometimes impulsive or strange behavior and actions tends to come after the fact. In the moment, throwing away half your wardrobe in a hypomanic cleaning frenzy seems like a brilliant idea. (Throw away ALL THE THINGS!) At the time, we are fully justified in throwing a full-blown adult temper tantrum because where the FUCK did our favorite pair of striped cat socks go?! We need $5,000 worth of new tupper ware. Last week our life purpose was to become a professional cheerleader; now we know it is really to save the turtles in the Galapagos.
I wish I had a dollar for every face palm moment when I realized just how ridiculous or reckless something I did or said that felt fully rational in the moment truly was. You have to find humor in these moments, though; constantly kicking yourself in the ass gets real old, real fast.
7. “It can be exhausting and overwhelming to be in your own skin.”
This is one of my favorite quotes by Cassie Brown-Bordley about living with bipolar disorder, simply because it is so true. One of the lesser talked about symptoms of bipolar disorder is the sheer mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion that accompanies it. There are days when it takes tremendous effort just to accomplish the simplest of tasks; when your limbs feel like they weigh 100 pounds and you have body aches down to your bones and getting out of bed seems as insurmountable an obstacle as climbing Mount Everest.
Sometimes just being you gets so frustrating and overwhelming that something as insignificant as running out of toilet paper can reduce you to tears. (Although let’s be honest, that can be a really shitty situation. Pun intended.)