3. There will always be some unanswered questions and at some point, you have to let them go.
Because of this cognitive dissonance, for a long time, you may be stuck thinking about particular situations when he or she did or said something.
What did it all mean? You’ll be putting things together that you never put together before and some things might never fit together in a way that makes complete sense.
What we would have done and what they did will always have been different. Not only that, but the inconsistency of their behavior in the context of what should make sense given what we know now should be a testament to the fact that they are not acting rationally and they live in a reality that is always changing according to their needs in a moment– whatever will allow them to get what they want at a given time is what they will do or say.
Did they pretend to love me or did they actually love me? What difference does it make when their actions overall were anything but loving, when ultimately, that arrow turns into a boomerang in an instant when we don’t behave as they wish us to behave.
The only predictable thing about their actions is their own disloyalty to everyone except themselves.
They’ll go through any ritual, say any words, to try to convince you it’s real. But behave in ways that make those actions actually mean something, to give you something you can trust behind those words and rituals?
This is why we were always anxious, always uneasy. They continue to provide their verbal shadow puppets, yet there’s never anything underneath. It’s madness to us– why spend so much time building shadows? Why not just build the real thing?
If they wanted what we did, time spent building the real thing would be well-invested. But to them, their way makes sense because a life in the shadows enables them to live secret lives undetected.
Then when it’s all over, we just want the light to illuminate the real world again so we have something true to stand on.
At some point, the realization we have to face is that they kept us confused plugging away at these emotional puzzles when we should never have been confused in the first place.