5. You can’t stop the narcissist, change the narcissist, warn the next person or the people in the narcissist’s life.
This has to be the clearest case of “cutting someone off” we may ever have had to do in our lives.
The only way to truly save ourselves, however, is to do exactly that. The realization that it is the best thing may not come until later.
It will finally sink in after we go through the roller-coaster of emotions, get angry on behalf of ourselves, feel the anxiety fade of having been in the relationship, and see the much bigger issues that the narcissist brought into the relationship and then imposed on our lives.
We realize that the best thing for ourselves is to just let all of it go. Not just the unanswered questions, but everything about him or her.
We have to stop wondering about their lives, stop wondering about who they’re with and whether we should try to warn them or talk to them, stop lamenting the past. Just stop.
No change is going to happen.
Let them be. Leave them to their own destiny
6. All the things the narcissist put in your head about you are wrong.
I saw this written somewhere else once, and it’s absolutely right: someone who is abusing you and intentionally trying to control you does not have a coherent view of you. It is being filtered through whatever distortion about the world in general in their own mind compels them to abuse you, and, therefore, anything they say about you is distorted and inaccurate.
So all those things the narcissist said about who you are, what kind of person you are, your value in relationships or how much you can be loved are not just lies, they’re the demented ravings and projections of someone who cannot keep another person in a relationship without trying to tear them down or make them dependent in some way.
Remember, narcissists want beautiful, smart, loving, and caring people who amplify their own image and make them feel special. They just don’t want you to know that’s what they think of you because they’re afraid of you.
They were always afraid you were going to leave or outshine them, that someone else would see how wonderful you were or that you would realize how bad they were for you and walk away.
Well, guess what?